And Lost Again...
So far in my life, I've noticed two [2] things.
1. That when people don't want to be found, it's quite hard to find them once lost.
2. I have the tendency to accidently end friendships due to pure insensitivity
One of the less good parts of my psyche is that of always wanting information. I am a bit of a hoarder, physically and digitally. I have boxes full of scraps under my bed. Bottle caps, paper bits, ribbons, rocks. All sorts of things. Of course, like most hoarders, these items have absolutely no value to the real world. I, however, find them immensely sentimental. So much so that I keep shards of broken glass cups just because I liked the cup and used to use it when I was younger. I've become obsessive over my hoarded items, and great distress falls upon me whenever I can't find one, or am suggested [forced] to get rid of them.
I am the same way with people.
Of course not physically. I don't have the physical abilities to constrain someone simply for my own interests, though I often wish I could. I instead resort to personal information. Phone numbers, addresses, emails, birthdays, education, workplace, eye colour, height, license plates, online photos, social media, signatures, etcetera. Though some people may not think it's the most normal thing, I see no trouble with it. I'm not using the information maliciously, nor am I selling it. It's all for my own peace of mind. So what's the harm?
For the most part, if I wanted someone's information, I usually got it. But there has been one person that I am unable to find anything on. Well, two people, but I don't really care for one of them as much as I do for the other. He's a friend of mine. At least, he's my friend. I'm not exactly sure if I'm his. I've known him for sometime now. 2021. But it feels longer. Remember the guy I was talking about in section 3 of my last post? That's him. His name is Hunter. We were in the same friend group for two years, then split after starting highschool. I didn't think about him much. Until we reconnected in the library of my highschool. I think our energies had significantly aligned over the summer. I thought we were going to be friends again. Then, he stopped meeting with me.
I tried to email him. He responded. I asked for his Discord. He refused. I was a bit puzzled. Why would he refuse? We were on good terms. Great terms, even. I kept asking. I made a couple of jokes I probably shouldn't have. He stopped responding.
This is when I started to panic. Because at this point, the school year was almost over. I only had his school email. I was going to lose contact with him. I didn't have his phone number, home email, address, or any social media… this was it. And Hunter was one of those people who didn't have any social media. Or none with his name attached, at least.
School ended, and there I was, with nothing to show. I tried to put him out of my mind for as long as possible, but my last post had me missing him a little bit. I thought that hope was lost. I let the sadness consume me a little bit. Then I started thinking. I realized I had some options.
I remember talking with him about what we'd do after high school. He mentioned what school he planned to go to. That was a lead. I searched said school website for their student email format. I plugged in his name, wrote a message, and hoped for the best. As of this update time, I have had no response. I'm a little bit crushed.
I have one other option, and it's my last before I have to go through a mutual friend to ask for Hunter's phone number.
I had gotten his discord back in 2021, with a different account. I have since lost that account after enabling the cursed 2 Factor Authentication feature. Never again. My only hope is to somehow get back into my old Discord account.
I am currently running a program to try every number combination possible, to try and get back in. It's my last resort.
I really hope it works.
Let me now explain to you, dear reader, why I care so much about him.
It's quite simple actually. He just embodied the kind of friend I wanted. He was one of those quiet, closed off boys that kept to themselves. But once you got to know him, he really opened up. He was hilarious and could be kind of you looked deep enough He was suicidal. That bugged me a bit, his lack of self confidence. He was definitely lonely, and I wanted to keep him company. I guess that's one of the reasons I wanted to stay friends; to look out for him. Corny, but it's true.
He plays in a band, has some shady friends, but doesn't drink or smoke. He does get up to some fun, though. Once, he happened to drag me into some fun, as well. We were hanging around the school, by some closed off abandoned stairwell. He had the great idea to lock me behind the stairwell doors. We thought it was hilarious, until I heard the assistant principal's voice. I banged on the door. Hunter just stood there, laughing at me. Eventually he let me out, and we ran. We laughed a lot that day.
Hanging around him definitely would have tarnished my "good student with a somewhat acceptable social life" reputation, but I don't think I mind.
The loss of Hunter is really hard for me. Like I said, I usually don't lose all contact with someone, unless I want to. I'm a creep, and make sure that I will never lose track of people. Hunter is the first person I can't find anything on. I'm mourning him. I guess it just was
Never Meant.
Thank you, reader
